Battle Royale: Should our schools implement or How Japan is really messed up

It’s a moose and squirrel title, for those of you who are really old school.

Speaking of school, I saw Battle Royale last night. You’ve never heard of it? It was a novel, became a manga, I think it’s an anime, and it’s most certainly a live action movie. Are you dying to know what it’s about?

Some time in the future, due to the immense disrespect of school kids, Japan passes legislature that allows one class every seven years to be picked for a sort of tournament. I would say think Hunger Games, but this existed long before that and has far less purpose.

That’s right, all of the students in the class are expected to kill each other, with the final survivor, after three days, leaving to become a famous murderer. If you decide not to kill your fellow classmates by day three, everyone is blown up by a collar.

How bad are their kids over there that someone thought of this premise for a movie? How wacked out are their adults that this was a suitable form of entertainment? Think on it. It didn’t feel that far removed, unlike Hunger Games. It looked like it could happen tomorrow where a school bus of kids is escorted to a deserted island and then we watch them all kill each other.

We wouldn’t think of this, right? I mean, I’ve thought of a wack on the wrists from time to time, but I never thought “I wish I could give these kids guns and knives and let them figure it out.”

On top of that, this was rated R. R in the US means if you’re 18 or older, you can watch. In Japan it means if you’re out of middle school, you can watch it. That’s right, you’re 14 we’re okay with you watching a kid cut off another kid’s head and stuff it with a grenade, to throw at someone.

Then there was the drama. Everything was overly dramatic. After getting shot five or six times, one girl ran a mile, crawled ten feet, was in the hands of the boy she loved, and died. Multiple kids took full bursts from an SMG and seemingly shrugged it off until five minutes later when they suddenly died. “You shot me in the heart, liver, kidneys (that’s right, both), spleen, and stabbed me in the genitals (this too happened), but let me deliver my final line of dramatic dialogue before you shoot me in the head to kill me.” This was common practice. It was amazing.

I gave it a three out of five. It was a strange train wreck of Japanese cinema and culture, and I couldn’t look away, so a two didn’t make sense. I don’t generally stop what I’m doing to watch a two. I suggest you watch it too, just don’t make it a date night. Or if you do, and she liked it, I think it’s time to move on, bro. She likely just gained a few dozen ways as to how she’s going to kill you.

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