I’m 30. I’m Awesome.

Tomorrow is Tough Mudder. Tomorrow is the culmination of everything I’ve fought so hard for the past seven months. Tomorrow I put to the test 30 pounds I’ve lost, the muscle I’ve put on, the dedication to testing my body to the brink of destroying it. I know it’ll be hard. I’m still not entirely in shape. The past month or two the motivation dwindled, but it’s back. And after Tough Mudder, it will still be here.

“I’m telling ya’ll, you inspire the hell outta me. When those haters are out there telling us we can’t achieve goals, you get it done.”

If you watched the video, you heard that. That’s the point. The point is to put this unrealistic goal out there for me and do it. It’s been the same with writing, with getting into God’s word, with improving who I am on every single level. And from the verdict out and about, I’ve done an amazing job at this improvement. I am better than who I was, and I will strive forth and become better yet each and every day. I was back pedaling this last month, but knowing what I am doing tomorrow, I remember what I want. I remember where I was going. I’m going there.

I had two incredibly vivid dreams last night. The first there was this underground society and we lived there until lava overflowed. Apparently that can be anger. There were five of us I cared deeply for, my brother, some girl, and Mary. I loved Mary. I don’t know who Mary is, but I know I loved her, or was starting to realize I loved her. Then the lava floated up and tried to consume us. We went up. I helped the girl. My brother was with Mary. We were separated, and when he got to the top, he said they were split. I went back down and found her in a building surrounded by lava. I got her out and we made it to a plane leaving before we died. I have been angry this past month, lava bubbling up into my life. I’m going to escape it, and I’m going to get through it with other people, with loved ones and close friends and family.

The second I was in Arizona, driving. I was on the highway, but suddenly I couldn’t open my eyes. They just refused while I was doing a turn. I made the turn, then opened my eyes. Driving forward is ambition and motivation, while eyes being closed reveal the inability to see where the path leads. My eyes are open. I’m done flailing. Tomorrow I bury myself in mud to become something better, something motivated, and I will not stop this time.

“Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.” This is why I joined Tough Mudder. That thought. I’m going to crush myself over and over and I’m going to be better for it. I look forward to it. Tomorrow will be a terrifying, exciting, rejuvenating day. While others are cutting their lawn, cleaning the house, or participating in the normal day to day, I will be crawling through mud, getting electrocuted, running through fire, and over a dozen other amazing things that others would only read about. It’s hard to believe this all started in February when I started doing Insanity. But this is not a finish line. It’s just a gate I’m running through to reach the next destination.

Do something amazing. Go out of your way to experience something out of your norm. Rediscover who you are and reform yourself in a way you’ve been meaning to for some time. Our time here is limited, and we can live it safe and boring, or we can go out on fire, changing ourselves and those around us.

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2 responses to “I’m 30. I’m Awesome.

  1. My favorite random quote from the Internet (I couldn’t tell you where I found it): “Be bad-ass every day.”

    Bad-ass Tough Mudder is probably the best way to kick off 30! 🙂 (or end 29, as I’ll be doing…)

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