It’s begun. Sure I made the payment earlier this week to get published. Today I received the email from my friendly check in coordinator (CiC) Aubrey. It has my path to publication. It look terrifying to tell you the truth, but here we go. Hopefully my roommate is going to be making my cover and someone I knew long ago through youth group is helping with the editing, among some other people looking over it for basic input.
The reality is terrifying. It’s like when you’re at the edge of a cliff looking over it, daring yourself to step closer and closer, your chest clenching while your heart is trying to explode out of your rib cage, screaming at you, telling you this is insane. If you have a parachute, it’s that voice that, though it’s yelling at you, it’s also whispering, “Jump.” That whisper though takes over, it becomes the shouts, and suddenly you’re gone, you’re off the ledge and you’re plunging towards the earth, terrified, exhilarated, wondering what will happen next.
I just feel high. My head feels so light. I want to do this over and over again. I know the initial process will be lengthy and difficult. I understand the hard work that has gone into this over the past year and a half, and honestly the love and heartbreak that’s gone into this piece. It’s harder and easier to edit than I thought it would be. On one hand, the woman who initiated all of this is out of my life, though when I first wrote the story she was out of my life. On the other, there were so many great experiences that made this story so much easier to write.
I’m excited and scared about this. It’s incredible how real it suddenly feels when not two weeks ago this felt like some far away dream. I’m excited. My goal is four months.
Edit: Every time I have a question there’s one person that’s supposed to be answering them. Instead I have to ask a half dozen or more people what I should do. Hurts a little, but it’ll be done soon (four months!) I hope.