Dreams Come True-Published

Paul Davis:

Today I made a life long dream come true. To many more novels.

Originally posted on Lands of Volden:

I was in second grade when I wrote my first fan fiction. It was based on the Big Friendly Giant. To be honest, I’m guessing. I know I wrote a fan fiction about it in second grade, and it had no grade on it, therefore I assume it was for fun. I found this three years ago when moving out of my parent’s house. I guess you would call it my beginning.

In fourth grade (maybe fifth) I wrote a Jurassic Park fan fiction. I filled a 70 page notebook. I was not a back and front guy at the time, but if you can cut me some slack, I was in fourth (or fifth) grade. I don’t often write fan fictions any more, and it baffles me to see how many older people do. Then I remember that’s how I started out as well.

I always wanted to…

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Final Proofs Approved!

They never tell you what happens when you’re done with your novel. They don’t tell you after the fourth edit, when it’s gone to the beta readers, when your self doubt kicks in, when you finally get over it and decide to throw your story to the masses, they don’t tell you what happens after the fifteenth edit.

A while ago I put my proofs in. I then get back the cover and galley (or inside). I got a price for the book (it’s definitely more than I was hoping it would be). I then received a call about my marketing goals, and decided that I’m good for now. I have a marketing plan, and I don’t need to drop a couple grand to make my dreams come true. I understand the chances this novel turns into a best seller or a movie are slim, and the more I write the more exposure I get.

So after three rounds with the cover and galley, I approved my proofs tonight. Based on an older estimate, it was taking about a month for the novels to get out, so in a month I should have my novel. This will be way in time for the trip out to Utah in February, and it will make a trip out to Dayton in April for a book fair worthwhile. I am excited.

I am also exhausted. After a little over a month with depression, the depression is subsiding. With everything happening so quickly it wasn’t hard for me to succumb. It’s the worst I’ve had depression in a long time, but it’s almost all clear. Ultimately life is good, I am in a good place, but man can my mind take me to some horrible places, especially when tired.

Anyway, it’s nap time for me. I will do a cover release likely two weeks before book launch. Also, Lands of Volden will be getting a nice little shot in the arm. This weekend I will be working on getting several pieces stacked up so I can have weekly releases, as well as starting the new novel. I wrote a paragraph for novel #2 last night. Which is the first writing I’ve done in six weeks, so happy day.

Peace and blessings!

Black Eyes

You look like crap.

I nearly laughed. It was the first time I really looked into a mirror for a while, obviously. Under my eyes there were black bags streaking across where the smile line was, right above the cheek.

“I do.” My voice was a little rough from an illness, some caugh. “Think it’ll improve?”

With what? The extensive work you have the next four days? The one more flight? Feeling sick? Insomnia that even when you’re run into the ground you can only get a couple hours of sleep?

I grinned, amused. It was right, all right, as I was right. We were one, but it helped to keep myself in check. “I think maybe next weekend. Maybe I’ll sleep next weekend.””

It was difficult to look away from the dark bags under my eyes, so black and extensive I couldn’t figure out what to do about it. I was partially impressed. But man did I look like crap.

Body says insomnia

Down at 1? Body wakes me up at 5:30? I’m into work and getting things done by the time the alarm goes off? I can feel a cough developing. Yeah, great day.

And then spent all night pondering mortality, which has been par for the past couple weeks. Or decade. Something like that. We live short lives. We should put ourselves out there. Why leave things to be said for when we die? Sure I often look retarded for throwing it out there, but eh. The worst that can happen is I die. As long as I don’t insult a necromancer. Because then it gets real weird.

Learning moment

It doesn’t help that it’s been a long three weeks. It doesn’t help next week is a long week. It doesn’t help that I’m living at home and my parents are apt to telling me how I’m living my life wrong. It doesn’t help that I haven’t had an actual girlfriend in two years and nine months? Give or take a few weeks.

I reached a point where I wanted to date again. I wanted to have a relationship. Women were put in front of me. One after another. It was intimidating. It was glorious. I hesitated, and then I went for it.

One door after another which I saw wide open. One door after another which slammed in my face.

It’s one of those days where you hit the point you want to curl up into a ball and cry. Your chest feels like someone’s doing something. I don’t know. The pain of loneliness, despair, and failure is strange to me, how it reaches into the left side of my chest, as if massaging, then creeps as a tingle down my left arm. It’s familiar to me, and in its way soothing. In the same way a few shots of whiskey are. But less burn with the heartache.

The only person there for me is in a situation where any dating advice feels hollow. Empty. I’m still the idiot who vents his dating issues, then gets frustrated.

Maybe that’s the lesson. Maybe the lesson isn’t dating isn’t going to happen. Maybe the lesson is take my feelings and bury them. Put them somewhere anonymous, and then bury it deep. It’s worked for almost three years. What’s another half century? Maybe it’s live by my advice. Maybe it’s get back to the mentality of dating only when I see a woman I could love or do love.

Ultimately I think I’m just being broken down for something. In the men’s group I’m in it’d be called a kairos moment. A moment of learning.

What I’m observing is I’m getting shot down. Repeatedly. Anyone I desire is out of reach by design or decision. Whenever I try to date them, I’m brought down hard. They aren’t bringing me down hard, don’t get me wrong. It just feels hard. Because almost three fucking years of being single. Also observing the onset of a panic attack. Today’s awesome.

Reflect. Why is this happening? Because I’m being tested or something. That’s what everyone says. I’m being tested. Every woman in front of me had red flags, but you reach a point where who cares? So patience. As Linda said, I’m waiting for the right one. I need to do a better job of waiting for her. And then I won’t get shot down repeatedly. And then I won’t have panic attacks. It’s been like two years since a panic attack.

Discuss. I mean, you’re all I’ve got guys. Here. I’m discussing.

Plan. I guess this is simple. I need to stow my feelings, I need to not be interested in women, I need to move on. Writing, working out, church. This is life. These will only disappoint me if I disappoint me. Which means I really need to write more. I’ve been a writing slacker.

Accountability. I don’t even know. I’ll figure someone out.

Act. I love these. Basically act is sit my ass down and wait. Well, I guess it’s also do writing, workouts, and church. But in the field that I’m actually trying to figure out, it’s sit your ass down.

Off to watch a movie just to get out of the house. Fun times.

Halloween and Reformation Day

Weird having them on the same day. I love Halloween. This year, though, was lackluster. I turned in my apartment keys. I did get to listen to my Halloween song. I also watched Jurassic World. I suggest it.

As for Reformation Day, it’s awesome to know so long ago that there was a guy willing to work to bring justice to a corrupt system. While people look at dogma and the system and decry it, it’s people who show Christ’s love, and every once and a while large organizations which can bring together enough resources to change places on a larger scale. I pray to be a light in the world for Christ.

With that I was going to do a Halloween poem, but I’ve got nothing. In a little over an hour NaNo starts. Good luck to the participants. I took a three hour nap and had coffee, so I’m good and ready for the time! Until midnight, going to play some Destiny and beat up aliens for candy.

Blessings on your night. Blessings on your future.

Exhausted: Not Fiction


I’m single because I’m fat. I can’t tell people how I really feel. I fear the world, and the only way I can communicate with it is through fiction. The world is a punishing place for people who want to do right. Things said to me or that I realized within the last 24 hours. Go team. I think I’ll write a novel so I can make other people feel as exhausted and crappy as I do.