Befriending an ex: Obvious advice

I’ve been befriending an ex. There are people out there who can just do this, but I think I’m broken or invest too much. Becoming friends with my exes would be akin to having Hitler and Churchill in a room having tea, forcing them to play nice. Eventually someone’s going to reach for the butter knife and go for the jugular. There has been only one exception, which I really have no choice and she is a pretty awesome person. Now there may be a second.

While lurking in the WordPress world, I happened upon a site on things to do in order to be friends with an ex. I thought, well this is immediately applicable, let’s give it a read.

The second gem of advice was don’t sleep with your ex. I stared at it. This would be like someone informing me the wheel is a very efficient mode of transportation. Sleeping with an ex has become a trope in romance and drama. Why? Because it’s a really stupid idea. Why would you even give me that advice? Because I’ve almost done it in the past if she would have driven an hour? But that was different! Oh…I see why they put that advice there.

The good news is I don’t want to get physical with this ex. Bullet dodged. The rest of the advice is being followed as well. No jealousy, no head games, lots of writing and encouragement. I’ll take it.

Just remember: don’t sleep with your ex.


As I woke up at 5:30 to go swimming, alert but unwilling to commit, I reset my alarm. 6:30. I got to work early enough to get in some Spanish lessons, but I did not get in my swim.

Tomorrow. I told myself tomorrow.

Today or bust.

In good news, 50 pages left to edit. If I haul butt, I could finish this before NaNo starts.

Halloween Part I: A Man and a Scythe

“What should we do?” asked the man with the scythe to the girl without. He stood on the precipice, while she sat at his feet, her tears draining down her rag doll cheeks, staining into the fabric.

“Flee,” she whimpered, straining her stitches, letting out stuffing and creating such itches. But this she endured, and endured for her love of the man with the scythe and the moon up above.

“They’ll come for us, to find us and kill us. Your stitches they’ll undo part by part, and I’ll be implicit in the most heinous of crimes, to show a little love instead of fear this time.”

“Maybe it’s love Halloween needs instead of the scaring and dying and screams.” She stood with resolve, or at least what she could muster, but the stuffing was weak in her ragged knees.

“It will not be shown by us, doll. To bring the peace, to dissolve the fear, I must cut a path with this scythe, pierce through as if a spear.” He took her hand, the sickly looking man wielding the reaper’s tool.

Into her eyes he peered and asked, “Are you ready?” With a nod they were off, jumping downward of the cliff of all they knew. Were they to save Halloween, or was it their mission to doom it?

Our society is poisoning itself

I’ve been trying to eat healthy. Get in the right amount of carbs, vegetables, proteins, and so on. I eyeball it, don’t get me wrong, but I know processed is bad, fresh is good, so this has been my guiding star. I’m going away from gluten and coffee because they both make me want to throw up. Maybe I’m pregnant and suffering morning sickness, which would be great in a way because I’m sure I could make millions off the medical journals wondering how I got pregnant without sex and as a man. Virgin Mary has nothing on me.

Back on task, I finally reached a point in my eating habits that I didn’t feel like throwing up yesterday. I was giddy. This morning we had a meeting at A&W. They make root beer and tasty hot dogs. So I was informed I’ll be leading a group to Guatemala in July or October, which I’m immensely excited about. I have dreamed about this, and I know a few people I’m going to try to recruit into it. But this is beside the point.

So I order an omelet with mushrooms. Ever taste something and you know things are about to go poorly? The mushrooms were off, the omelet was not an omelet but more like an egg crepe, and I knew it wasn’t settling. I have this happen every time I eat McDonalds, but I still do it.

Here I sit, at my desk, early for work, trying to hold my gut in check. I can feel my chin swelling so I will have three shortly. Fortunately eating wise for about 48 hours is all that’s required to get rid of one and a half of them. Eating wise for a month or two while working out hammers that final half chin.

While I sat at this table, talking about the possibility of leading a group into the middle of no where in a third world country I adore and love, I was fighting an internal battle. My stomach was screaming, “Let me purge! Release the demons within!” Does this any time I eat at a fast food restaurant. My intestines were saying, “There’s no usable nutrition in this, pass it quick, before it kills us!”

I feel we are all at this point where our bodies have simply accepted this is the way it is. It has accepted our heavily processed crap that we keep pumping into our stomachs. We can’t tell we’re sick, because as a society we haven’t been healthy. As early as two kids are munching on fries and potato chips. We don’t teach kids how to cook, and because of TV everyone has this perception it takes an hour to make anything. I cook my meal within twenty minutes, and I put in about two minutes of work. The rest of the twenty minutes I’m watching anime, waiting for the rice to finish cooking or the chicken to be less full of E. Coli than it was when I put it in the oven.

I want to challenge you to cook for yourself. It’s really easy. Go shopping. Find a carb (long grain brown rice and egg noodles are my preferred), vegetables (I always do spinach, then whatever hits my fancy at the store), and a protein (chicken is my go to, but I’ve heard I need more beef in me). I cook enough carbs and protein for a week, sometimes two weeks on protein and I freeze half of it. Vegetables will not likely remain good for that long. I end up shopping every half week for vegetables. Sometimes I’ll pick up a new carb or protein to cook up in order to add more variety than what spice I put in.

While it’s cooking, especially the chicken which takes 45 minutes, I either clean, wash dishes, watch anime, or get a few quick video game rounds in. I honestly spend maybe five minutes on the entire actually working on the food. Have some containers on hand, and throw leftovers in them later that night.

I have a basil vinaigrette, marinara, and numerous spices (of which I use maybe four). I add them as I see fit. Sometimes I don’t add them. It’s amazing what your taste buds will pick up in a week.

To those who are still eating the disgusting food so readily and cheaply provided to us, it’s not that hard to cook your own, you’ll feel better, you’ll realize how sick you were. It’s not easy. The temptation to back slide is always there. “But I don’t want to cook tonight, and I’ll drive right past McDonalds.” Believe me, I’ve been there.

Good luck to healthy habits, to fighting temptation, and to those who are already eating healthy, good on you. Keep it up. Some day I hope to have your level of discipline.

Kindness: What separates us from animals

On a writing site, someone posted our ugliest trait is our ability to injure our own, and to kill without purpose. This post continued to tell us all how there is nothing like it in any other animal, and we should learn from them.

A tip to writers who are including animals: we learn all our worst traits from them. The difference is our ability at higher reasoning and logic which can lead us to dumber leaps.

Hyenas and lions have a vendetta on par with the Capulet and Montague families. Hyenas get a kick out of killing cubs. They do not eat them. Lions will assassinate the matriarch, literally running through a sea of hyenas just to kill that one woman. After making the kill? The lion walks off, head held high, like, “Who wants to replace her?” Real mature.

Ants invented trench warfare. Fire ants are even worse. These creatures regularly go to war with colonies that aren’t their own. Thousands die each day to these wars. Fire ants are so bad that they’ve even taken down other animals and humans. They kill more people a year than sharks by several times over. It’s all about territory, power, and breeding. The good news is they generally eat what they kill. Way to teach the hyenas and lions some decency, fire ants. Coral, that we see as so precious, pulls the same territorial crap. I highly suggest watching, as their wars are pretty cool looking.

Wolves are cruel and immensely territorial. One of the funniest videos my dad has apparently seen was when a male wolf entered another’s territory and started mating with the alpha’s daughter. If you weren’t aware, while mating, canines get stuck, as a bulb forms and they can’t remove it until that bulb goes away. When the alpha caught them in the act, he chased after as vicious as a dad with a shotgun, except in this case the daughter accidentally trapped her suitor. Could you imagine your girlfriend’s dad opens the door and there’s nothing you can do about it for another five to ten minutes? You’re stuck. This has a tendency to end with the infiltrator dying.

There are numerous animals which eat their young. The spouse needs to flee with the children, or risk infanticide. There are quite a few insects which kill their mate during sex. Usually the woman kills the male. Fortunately, in more cases than not, it’s only taken figuratively for humans. They destroy our hearts, our bank accounts, and our social circles.

You know a trait a human has that animals don’t? True kindness. We have pictures of animals getting along with each other, but in almost every case they’re in similar situations and so there is companionship. They understand each other. There is so much food, there’s no reason for them to eat each other. This is opportunistic kindness, and dare I say, most of humanity only takes it this far.

True kindness is the ability to show kindness when our fellow man is acting more like an animal. You were deceived and lost a lot of money? I’m talking to the tune of tens of thousands a year of income. Say hello to that person every time you see them. Smile. Invite them out. Do not gossip about the black soul within their husk of a body. Do not start rumors that they’re a body snatcher. You will be told that you’re justified in doing those things, and by George, Scott, Henry, and Mr. Clean, you would be justified in doing it. But any animal would take that path.

I’ve been wronged many times. I inspire people, people take it, and they ditch until they require another fill up. It’s like a gas station, but I have feelings and it hurts when people come to me just to top off. Maybe I should take a hint from my local BP and put up a sign, “Free coffee with fill up.” Maybe we could actually chat.

There is one friend who is in and out of my life at her boyfriend’s leisure. I stuck around for her when my ex hated her. If I ditched this friend, the fantasizing part of me believes there’s a chance I’d be married now, but if dreams were horses we’d all be riders. I stuck around because I’m an idiot. Fast forward a year and a half, my friend finds a boyfriend. He hates me. She cuts off contact, unless she’s having a freak out and needs a pep talk. Then we chat for half an hour, she feels revitalized, and I’ll talk to her again in a month or two.

A very large part of me wanted to text her, “I was loyal to you when my girlfriend hated you. You ditched me the moment your boyfriend told you to. Go away.” But there would have been expletives. I’m just not that good of a person, like last night in Destiny when a guy tea bagged me in a match. I hunted him down and killed him three times in a row and returned the favor. It was sort of like watching the lion take out the hyena. If you don’t know what tea bagging is, you’re a better person for it.

But I didn’t do these horrible things. I didn’t say she should fly a kite, I didn’t swear at her, I didn’t tea bag her. I thought it, aside from the last part. But I didn’t act on it, because I am human, and I am not a slave to my baser instincts of pride, anger, and so on.

So the next time someone says animals are so much more refined than humans, call them out on their bullshit. Sure our higher thinking power allows us to do far more damaging things than animals can, but we’re capable of actually acting kind, of helping someone who will not help us back.

This is what the church service was the other day, sans the animals. I add that in because of my disdain of hippies. The true kindness is a work in progress.

Do good works, act kindly to people randomly and without reward, do not gossip, smile in the face of pain (you can also cry first, this is healthy and normal and I won’t make fun of you, as I enjoy a good weeping now and again). Be better than animals, love like God loves you, love like humans are capable of, and try not to hate with that same overwhelming ability.

The Tower

It was just a dream.

The hive landed seeders in the City. Thousands of thralls poured out as shock troops, ripping the people apart. There were too few Guardians, too many seeders, and no perimeters could be formed. Families were slaughtered in their homes, buildings were burned to the ground, and the seeders did not stop releasing the Darkness.

When the thralls thinned, acolytes and knights came out. They entered building after building to clear locked doors, destroy the few military checkpoints capable of withstanding the thrall. Then the wizards, with their dark magic, came to maintain dominance against the tide of Guardians spilling from the Tower.

It was night, and the usually golden glow of the City was slowly consumed by shadows as the power grid was taken out. Dozens of Guardians were at the power plants, but it didn’t matter. Their Light gutted.

The Tower stood firm, a hundred Guardians fighting to survive. A seeder even landed on top the place we call home, and the Guardians, ancient and experienced Guardians, threw the infestation from the terraces and fed them to their own flames below. The Tower would not crumble to the hive, but it would crumble.

Shaxx, the great warrior of the Crucible, sent out a missive to all Guardians: Return to the City now, or never return. He wasn’t threatening us. There would be nothing to return to if we did not heed his warning.

The hive released abominations the like we had never seen, the like we never knew crawled around the depths of the Moon. There just wasn’t enough time to explore it all, to wipe it clean of this cancer. Maybe they didn’t even come from the Moon, but unknown colonies farther out. My mind could only process they existed. It could not give them shape. Perhaps they did not have one.

The shadows pounded against the city, and the city was reduced to dirt and ash. The Unspeakable advanced upon the Tower, killed a thousand Guardians, but the Guardians would not fall. The Unknown fell before the Light, and the Tower would stand for another precious hour.

Clouds appeared across the City and time and space were distorted. It was traversed as a child walked across the street or a man would take a shuttle to Mars. The vex appeared in the City, under the City, around the City, and the Darkness had never been so present in her streets. The organic robots struck at the few strategic holds allowed to stand, and then they were ash in the wind. Some disappeared as if they never existed, defeated in a battle fought hours ago, yet we only realized at that moment in time it had been lost.

Then the fallen, our enemies since the Traveler stopped speaking to us, breached our unmanned walls, but they did not attack us. They did not strike down the Tower. With four arms, they tore the hive apart. With spears, seeker rifles, and arc power, they halted the vex here and now, for the fallen had no love for the Darkness and knew our fates were linked.

This did not stop the Darkness, though. It only caused it to ebb and flow with more tendrils than we imagined possible, and it went to the base of the Tower with power we could not conceive. They built constructs at the doorstep and used technology so advanced our greatest cryptarchs could not conceive what they saw, and the tower was breached.

The Tower fell. A million Guardians dropped into orbit, from planets far away, to watch. I was there, in orbit, watching. We watched the Tower topple over and crash against the mountains with a great howl. The City was lost. The Tower crumbled. But there were still people, there was still an army of Darkness never before seen, and there was still an armada of Guardians so large it radiated with the Traveler’s Light.

We swooped in and landed in the City. We pushed back the Darkness, dismantled the vex, and burned the hive from the City. People were brought into perimeters fortified by a hundred Guardians, and taken away to old installations around Earth, far from the fighting. Man was scattered, and as we fought in the City, under the Traveler who was dying, he only watched. Not once did that orb burn brilliantly to show us what we faced. But we faced it bravely, and though a thousand Guardians fell, a hundred thousand were behind them.

That day we destroyed the hive and the vex. We put out the fires of our City. We cleared the rubble of the Tower. We rebuilt, though the Traveler did not shine down on us to thank us. He did not give us guidance. He remained silent, and the council which spoke for him was dead. We are the Light. We are the Traveler. It is by our hand the Darkness will fall. The orb in the sky does not care.

But it was only a dream and I woke up.

The Future War Cult warns against this dream. They’ve heard it a dozen times. Today I join them. I will pledge my guns and grenades to their cause, because when this day comes I will be there, and we will push back the Darkness.


First Step

I woke up at 5:45 this morning, just like the previous morning. I actually woke up at 5:38 because my body already likes this new schedule. Stupid body.

As I laid on my couch, because I left the sheets to my bed at my parents’ house, I thought, “I can go back to bed. I really don’t need to be up until 7.”

It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to not show up for your battles. The world isn’t making you face most of them. The world is perfectly content with me sleeping in, eating crap food, leaving my apartment dirty, not finishing my novel, if my faith dwindles. Whatever your struggles are, they’re content with you giving up, too. Not showing up to a kid’s game. Not getting flowers for a loved one. Not trying for a better job. Not getting the degree you actually wanted. Not trying for your dreams because you have so much already on your plate.

There’s a song that makes me cry every time I hear it. Not full out cry, but the tears form. I can visualize a thousand scenes through it. The scenes are so clear because I understand, and we all understand. We understand the struggle of taking that first step, of continuing to fight through mockery, unwanted burdens, poor decisions from ourselves and others, obligations, and hundreds of others. I hope you enjoy the song. I hope you take that first step. Tomorrow morning, at 5:45, I’ll be taking my third. You can do it, too.